This is one of the hardest posts I’ve ever written, although I’m currently feeling pretty much back to normal. However, it is with a heavy heart for me to say that my dearest dog, Baileys, passed away last Monday. His heart finally failed and he passed away in my arms at 4.30am, somewhat peacefully, after struggling with the discomfort for almost 8 hours.
On the day that he passed, I went into ugly-cry mode and couldn’t sleep until about 7 am. Even then, I had a pounding headache in addition to my stuffed nose. I decided to do a private cremation for Baileys because I couldn’t stand the thought of him being incinerated with other animals and then tossed into the backyard. Moreover, I wanted to keep his remains. I went with Tengoku and I must say that I am really happy with their professionalism and empathy. They provided pick up from home to their crematorium at Pasir Ris, there was 30 min for a final farewell and they also provided flowers.
My mum declared Baileys a Catholic dog (haha) and she took out a wooden rosary to be cremated alongside with him. He was a very practical dog so we also cremated his last serving of food. We couldn’t do so with his favourite blanket because it’s polyester. The day soon passed as we went for an early dinner before picking up his ashes.
The flat feels a little empty without the little guy and everyone in the family felt it. Day 2 was still a bit hard. I still expected to see him sleeping in his corner whenever I walked out of my room to go to the toilet. I miss going to him and hugging him after I brush my teeth. It was then that I realised that I had formed a habit.
I didn’t hear the little clickety-clak sound of his nails against the marble floor or furniture being accidentally moved while he’s busy scratching himself. I still expected him to knock on my door and sniff to ‘see’ whether I’m inside or not. I still caught myself opening the door and expecting his head to pop in between to check out who has come home. I now no longer have a stalker to the kitchen nor something poking his head between my legs when I open the fridge door. When I poured my kombucha into a mug, it also dawned on me that there was no Baileys to gobble up the fruits.
One of the places he used to love to go and rest – underneath a chair.
It’s always the little things.
I’m gonna always miss the little guy. I had lived without a dog for 20 years before he came into my life and within 13 years, he had wiggled his way into everybody’s hearts.
I know that he’s in a better place now. No more pain. No more being forced to eat medication. Hopefully he’s happily prancing around and eating all the things that he loves.